Rumspringa...My Tracy Anderson Transformation: Having a Cold Changed my Eating Habits

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Having a Cold Changed my Eating Habits

So this past week has been very interesting foodwise, borderline revolutionary but it's only been a week so we'll see if that revoluion leads to a permanent evolution. Anyway, basically I caught a cold, and in spite of that my body wanted to move through the stretching and limber movements of the method and so I moved. Then I got my period and this month had no pains! And so...I moved some more. These 2 obstacles have derailed my efforts in the past, but this time my body and carried me through. Now for the food...

My cold had the side effect of suppressing my appetite, not to unhealthy levels but to normal levels. It seemed to suppress my brain as well to a more calm attitude surrounding food. It started a week ago, on Friday when I received a complimentary app, meal w/side and dessert from one of my favorite restaurants...free food! And the thing was that as much as I wanted to eat this yummy food, my body didn't want too. It felt full before it felt stuffed. And let me clarify that the vast majority of the time I can feel stuffed with a pregnant looking belly and still not feel full or satiated.

So, this pattern continued over the course of the days that I had a cold. Then the cold healed and I was left with this experience of what it feels like to eat, to feel full, and to stop thinking/stop obsessing about food all day til my next meal. Now it wasn't as easy as when I had a cold, but it was probably about 50% there. The other 50% came from me talking myself through these situations.

For example, I passed by a bag of chips, my biggest source of quick and empty calories and a definite trigger food where if I see it I'm compelled to eat it. My first instinct was to grab some chips, literally without any conscious thought. But then I asked myself, "is that what i want... yes" came the answer. Suspecting this wasn't true I asked myself, "is that what you really want, because if it is you can have some... no". "what do you really want...i dont' know, but not food." Wow, when does that ever happen?

Even though I've recognized for a long time that I'm an emotional eater and stress eater, I was able to take to to the next level by actually rejecting the food. I had a couple other thoughts as well that I've realized.

1) When I stop emotionally eating it is uncomfortable not because I'm doing the wrong thing, but because I'm not using the food to suppress my uncomfortable feelings. Whereas I want to feel like I'm taking a step forward by not emotionally eating, the discomfort tricks me because the negative feelings makes me seem like I'm taking a step backwards. I realized, however, that those feelings of discomfort are in fact taking a step forward, because now I can actually deal with those feelings. Dealing with the feelings is the next step. The next step after that is the feeling better part (I presume), but in order to get there I realized I am in fact making progress by not suppressing my discomfort.

2) Whereas before I thought eating emotionally made me feel better (because food tastes good) I realized that eating emotionally makes me feel WORSE! I feel physically worse because I've over eaten. But now I'm not only not dealing with my original issues but I now have a weight issue to deal with it on top of that. Emotional eating is not suppressing my problems, and it is not even a neutral event. Emotional eating ONLY has negative side effects. I remember when I first started meta last year and when I was depressed or stressed and didn't want to exercise I would ask myself, "will not exercising make the problem with work/people/etc go away?...no". So somehow it occurred to me to ask the same thing about food, "will eating this help with x,y,z, situation, no" In fact I realized the only problem eating solves is hunger. It serves a wonderful purpose and that is to feed myself, but eating only solves one problem, hunger...it does not solve any other problem and as I stated before only makes my other problems worse because I now have a weight issue to deal with on top of those other things.

3) The last thing was that I refused to diet ever again. I had heard Portia de Rossi say those words"refuse to diet ever again" on a youtube video for her book tour where she talked about her eating disorder. This makes it tricky at first because it feels like if I refuse to diet then where does that leave me if I want to lose weight? But instead, since dieting was truly no longer an option in my mind, it further nudged my brain to say dealing with this eating is not going to be solved with a diet so you've got to figure something else out.

The thing is, it really has been less of a struggle. I'm not fighting myself and wanting to eat in spite of my logical realizations. Instead I find myself surprisingly disappointed at the realization that food will in fact not solve these other problems. At least in the moment I'm disappointed to realize this. At the end of the day, I am soooooo happy to not feel ravenous all day, to not obsess about food all day, and to truly feel a sense of freedom around food I haven't felt since I was a child. I know I've had food epiphany's before so I don't yet know if this is a permanent change. But for now, it feels good to know, not just logically but deep inside me, that food is wonderful, but food is just food and nothing more.

6 comments:

ShanFebruary 4, 2012 at 1:26 PM
Leah, I am so moved by this. It's so raw, so real. To stop and ask ourselves, will not exercising solve the problem? Will eating this or that solve the problem? is so simple, yet can be the hardest thing to do.
If we work on being present, being mindful, perhaps the question of dieting and what to eat will become irrelevant because we'll be dealing with the issues themselves, rather than suppressing them?
Lots of "food for thought" with this post of yours, my friend.
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NinaFebruary 4, 2012 at 2:32 PM
Hi Leah, Thank you so much for sharing this. You are absolutely right - food is no problem-solver (as we always tell alcoholics - alcohol is no solution, but isn't it the same with food, then?)!
It doesn't matter if we eat too much or too less it still doesn't solve the real issues we have to face. The issues I have with myself are not going away with a perfect belly or butt - I have to face my inner demons and fight them in order to see me in a more positive light. (well exercising helps to relieve the stress and you get a clearer head, so its not the non-eating its the movement that helps in a positive way)
On the other hand since I started TAM I started to really think about what I am eating and changed from processed to non-processed self-cooked food and it made me aware of the ingredients and what they are doing within my body. Thats a great thing and I wouldn't call it a diet in general (I have to admit I never followed her food plan - not much of big dieter here - don't have the stamina for a strict food plan!) - I would call it "rethinking of bad habits" - if that makes any sense! ;-)
thank you for bringing that up!
xo
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Tracy2011February 4, 2012 at 6:20 PM
Hi Leah,

Glad you are feeling better. I also think that the more you do her method, you will naturally make healthier choices in food, and feel that you don't need a lot to feel full. I noticed too that my periods are no longer a burdon and that they are not so heavy or painful as they use to be. I think it could also be the rebounding too. Have a great weekend.
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LeahFebruary 4, 2012 at 11:35 PM
Hi Shan, it's nice to see my experiences resonate with others :) Lots of food for thought indeed! It is so easy for me to forget or gloss over these little life lessons. I'm glad I wrote it down so I can remind myself again and again :)

Hey Nina, it is true at the end of the day a perfect belly will not solve inner demons. But the exercise itself is wonderful to help balance stress and increase clear thinking. That is something I've reminded myself of when I think will not exercising solve my problems? no...but will exercising contribute positive things, absolutely! It helps to tip the scale in our favor, you know? I too am feelign that itch toward healthier eating. It is definitely part of the process to actually eat healthier and I give you kudos for naturally feeling that! I know that is a step for me down the road, but my first step is to not be afraid of being deprived and to separate emotions from food. Doing that will help me learn to listen to my body. Then I can actually see how these foods are making my body feel. It's great too because TAM is all about connecting with our bodies, so I feel like eating healthier is going to grow out of that organically when I'm ready. It's nice to hear about someone who is already on the road ahead of me so thanks for sharing :)

Hello Tracy, I agree these TAM's wonderful exercise helps connect me to my body and will help toward that next step to see ah! these foods actually make me feel better while these make me feel not as good. I know rebounders have so many healthy side effects I was suspecting that might have helped with the period pains too. Happy weekend to you too :)
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ChristineFebruary 5, 2012 at 8:43 PM
I totally identify with you when you say that emotional eating makes you feel worse. I still forget that and eat when I am stressed and then I have to learn the lesson all over again. Thanks for the reminder.
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Kendra SoniaFebruary 12, 2012 at 9:13 PM
Emotional eating is the pitts! I always feel worse when I indulge after a bad day...sometimes you just need to vent.
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What has Made This Time Different?

I have attempted to try to stick to an exercise routine so many times in my life, and yet I've rarely made it past a week or two at the most. This time has been a whole new experience, and this is a list of the reasons why (subject to change). Perhaps one or all of these will resonate with you too:

1) I have a simple, mental, visual analogy to help me focus on the bigger picture: In the past I've dieted and exercised and wondered why am I not losing weight? The key was that I wasn't consistent. The truth was that my efforts were sporadic rather than stacking one on top of the other. So it felt like I had exerted so much energy (which I had), but because it was not one foot in front of the other, my efforts did not stack up to any actual results. This made the most sense to me once I understood the the visual analogy of climbing a wall. My goal (lose weight/get fit) was to get over this wall. My attempts to get over the wall included climbing up (working out, dieting). However, I was constantly climbing back down the wall without realizing it (getting off the dieting, not exercising). Over time, I was exhausted from climbing up and didn't understand why I had not yet made it over, after all I had put in a lot of effort. It was then that I realized that every time I stop exercising, I am not picking up from where I left off the next time I start up again. Instead, I have to start from the very bottom of the wall. The steps up the wall do not help you climb over unless the are consistenly moving in a forward direction upward. While this may seem simple, and easy to understand intellectually, it was something I had to understand in the form of an epiphany. It was the first step to me being able to be consistent with my Tracy Anderson Method.

2) Make the goal about following through with the actions, rather than just focusing on the end results: Now that I understood that consistency was such an important factor in being successful with my goal, I had to figure out how to actually be consistent when I had never before been able to. It was so hard for me to imagine getting past level 1, because in my previous attempts I had learned how to do a few days of level 1, feel defeated, take a break, and then start over on level 1 again once I felt like I just couldn't take being overweight any more. My brain only understood how to stop and start over, so it just couldn't imagine what it felt like to move forward to L2-L9 and beyond. So, I made a commitment to myself that I did not even have to do the levels if I did not want to, but that I would play the videos every day as though I were doing them, just for the sake of my brain understanding what that would feel like. Amazingly enough, this triggered something in my brain so that it could at least entertain the possibility of experiencing the program beyond level 1.

3) Don't tell anyone I am learning to establish an exercise routine, until I'm on a roll. I understand using someone as an accountability buddy, and I do think that is helpful. But for me, I found that when I told people I was starting to exercise I diverted energy away from my goal (establish a regular exercise routine). So when I used to tell people, "oh I'm starting something new" people kindly wanted to know how it's going, how much I've lost, all these reasonable questions. For me, that added an extra pressure that I just didn't need. I didn't want to be accountable to anyone but myself, and I because I am someone who worries too much about what other people think, it just served me better to start the journey on my own and learn from my own experiences, learn to trust myself and my own instinct, and feel free to experiment without fearing judgements from others.

4) Don't make any changes to diet initially, but instead first focus on making exercise a regular part of my routine. Learning to exercise regularly and consistently & eating nutritiously are both lofty goals in and of themselves. To do both simultaneously has never ever worked for me. For my brain, my emotions, my inability to adapt to change, it was far too large an undertaking to attempt diet exercise simultaneously. For me, exercise is the easier place to start because it feels more in my control. There are only two choices (to exercise or not), and it is completely up to me, and not influenced by much else. On the other hand, food requires more preparation what with shopping, and storing and cooking, and taking food with me places. Exercise is just once a day whereas eating is something to work on multiple times throughout the day. Another thing is that if I attempted exercise and diet at the same time, if I did poorly in one area that day, it wiped out any good work I did in the other area (in my mind), and made me want to give up on BOTH. Exercise is the place to start for me.

5) Accept that my objectives are long-term and therefore no matter how hard I work, I will not be skinny in a month or two. But a year from now and for the rest of my life I will be.

6) Keep a blog or journal. For me, blogging has enabled me to see that some days are challenging, but there are also other days are easier. It is easy to forget the good days when I'm just focusing on the negative one at hand. Blogging allows me to go back and remember the positive things I've gained and learned along my journey.

7) Exercise with a buddy in the beginning to help make exercise a daily habit. While I didn't tell anyone about working out until about 2 weeks after I'd started, after that when I told my friend she was excited and wanted to try it out too. We exercised together for about two weeks, and that helped me establish a routine of exercising first thing in the morning consistenly.

8) Immerse myself in the success of others. I read others' blogs and success stories and facebook and the TA forum. www.masteringthemethod.com was such a great tool because it was the first visual I had to understand that this was going to be a journey and a process. It is so easy to see the "before" and "afters" and think that 1 week or a month of commiting will take me from before to after. Being able to see the "during" as well made such a difference to my brain because it was like the missing piece of the puzzle to understand this is not in any shape or form an overnight, overweek, or overmonth process. It showed me the bridge from "before" through "during" to "after".

9) Watch and re-watch and watch again Tracy's informercial and multiple visits to QVC. Especially the first month I watched them almost every day. Seeing the informercial is the pique of excitement in the beginning of a new exercise routine. Watching the infomercials help me remember the feelings I had in the beginnning and reminds me why I began this journey in the first place.

10) Trust Tracy, yourself, and those who have come before you, and have faith that while you can't imagine it today, each step you take will lead you to your after as it has for so many others.

11) Let go of being a perfectionist. Being a perfectionist prevented me from succeeding 100% of the other times I've attempted to exercise. It was vital to learn to only do whatever my personal abilites are and nothing more. Understanding and believing that I would build from wherever I was starting, as there is no need to exhaust myself physically and mentally by exercising beyond my capabilites was again instrumental. The very first time I tried metamorphosis, I was beyond defeated and in tears as there was no way I was gonna be able to do 40 reps of all the leg exercises as she did. I initially would pause the TV after every exercise attempting to complete 40 reps like Tracy was going. Helllllloooo, Tracy is in shape and she invented the method for goodness sake. I never exercised and was carrying around at least 50 pounds that didn't need to be there. Because I couldn't be "perfect" I thought I couldn't do the method. This was completely false. Finally, I figured out that I just had to do whatever reps I was able to do while she was doing the same exercise. Then when she moved on, I moved on to the next move. Suddenly my abilites were increasing, just by doing my personal best. It was the same thing with the cardio. It was important to me to play the whole tape, but that didn't mean I had to be jumping the whole time. Instead, I would step touch or march in place, drink some water. The point is that I got to experience what 30 minutes of cardio would feel like, and eventually be able to build up to it. I can now do an hour of cardio :)

...to be continued

90 Day Metamorphosis with Tracy Anderson

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Having a Cold Changed my Eating Habits

6 comments: