Happy New Year TAMily!!

Hi everyone! I've been a little distracted by life for a bit but I'm still around. I'm in a very transitional time in my life and want to make so many changes in order to take my life in a different direction. I'll definitely be using the many lessons I've learned from TAM to help with these other areas of my life. However, I'll probably be continuing my break from blogging for a little while (couple months) but will definitely be back.

Best wishes to all of you! And have a wonderful new year in 2012!!

Day "81"

Not entirely sure why, but hadn't worked out in a week and a couple days. I had four more days of level 8 to go, but I jumped ahead and did day one of level 9 instead. I think level 8 is not my favorite, so I was itching to move onto something else. But also, since I had lost a little momentum, I wanted to propel myself forward so I did day one of level 9. As challenging as it was, it still feels great to be moving again, flexible, fluid, connecting to my body. I really forgot what it's like to have accesory muscles working for me. We forget so quickly, but trust me being in shape feels sooooooo much better than not. My legs felt so shakey when I got up from my mat. I will still complete the last 4 days of level 8, and cardio that I've missed before I claim the victory of having acomplished this crazy ride called Metamorphosis... but it ain't gonna happen by January 1. Oh well :)

Practicing Recipes

Today's Workout:

• Meta Cardio 30 minutes
• Rebounder freestyling 30 minutes

I had gone grocery shopping last day before recently and decided to pick up a few items so that I could practice making recipes in Tracy's dynamic eating plan. Here are my thoughts so far:

• blueberry applesauce-This was quite good! The tricky part was coring and peeling hot apples. They took a surprisingly long time to steam (at least 30 minutes if I recall). However, in the end it was tasty. I never realized steaming apples was all you had to do to make applesauce.
• sweet potato corn pudding-I liked this a lot. The first bite tasted like regular mashed potatoes actually. Later when I tried it cold, it was not as exhilarating, so I would recommend having this one warm.
• carrot parnip puree-My least favorite so far. I don't think this is the fault of the recipe though. I often have a problem with carrots that taste like dirt. I will try scrubbing carrots better next time around before I peel them. I really liked to smoothe consistency of this one and the pretty color. Again, this one is better served warm.
• blueberry smoothie-This recipe is from the bootcamp book. I enjoyed this a lot too.

The thing that strikes me most about these recipes is how just 2 ingredients can come together to be so tasty. I am used to natural foods, but still heavy and processed rather than fresh and homemade. One trick I did in order to make the most of my cooking time was I steamed the sweet potato and apples at the same time. Simultaneously, I had the carrots and parsnips boiling in the water below the steaming produce. Kind of clever if you ask me ;) Looking forward to trying more recipes. Stay tuned.

Also did an hour of cardio today in order to help make up for cardio's that I've missed during Meta. I want to make sure I get my extra cardio's in to make up for the one's I've missed before I go onto Continuity 1 on January 1st 2012.

You know, I've never been able to stick to a diet. I'm not someone who's lost all the weight and gained it all back again. So, I'm not sure how I'll be able to stick to this one. I'm really not. I want to try, but it's very hard to imagine going from eating one way to a whole other way over night. I transitioned into eating vegan, cutting out one animal at a time, and dairy later on. We'll see what happens. At the very least, I know I will stick with the exercise. Diet seems a lot more complicated though...

Day 76: Still Moving Forward

Today's Workout:

• 30 minutes Meta Cardio (mostly jumping, some step-touching)
• Level 8 Day 6 Muscular Structure
• Level 1 Arms and Abs Segment

Today's Thoughts:

Switched up the order of my workout today doing cardio before toning. Everybody (including myself) wonders at some point which to do first. There is a video on youtube where she answers that question and since I'm not too blogger savvy, I'm not sure how to link that for you. But, my personal experience has shown me that the more important thing is to make sure I do both. The way I do that is by seeing what my body and mind are in the mood for. In the beginning, that tended to be cardio first. By disc two, I liked doing toning first. Today, I really liked doing cardio first and I might try sticking with that for a while.

At one point today, I had a burst on anger where I thought to myself, "I hate you Tracy Anderson" because I was really feeling the burn. Then I came to my senses and thought whoa...where did that come from? I don't normally have anger directed at Tracy. I don't think I've thought I hated her a single time in the last 75 days, so I'm not sure what happened today. I figured maybe it was an emotional cleansing of some sort. We'll see if it happens again.

Today's workout really wore me out. I was yawning on the mat, and it was the afternoon. I think once I begin doing the diet, it will really give me better energy to do these workouts. So looking forward to it! I'm glad I'm delaying it until January because I feel like I'm building up more and more positive energy in anticipation of it and I feel like when the time comes that postive energy reserve will come in handy.

A gal named Shannon on the TAM forum posted a great short anecdote today about her balanced approach to eating that I really wanted to share. It is exactly what Tracy wants us to do. Eating mostly healthy, yet enjoying guilt-free pleasurable foods as well, especially when it comes to sharing meals with others. It is a great story of a balanced approach to eating in a real-life scenario:

"I’m on day 15 of the 30 day method. Went out to dinner with friends and basically ate a glorious meal — but it definitely wasn’t on the diet. Gained a pound. I was trying to reconcile in my head gaining a pound and how much I enjoyed the meal… and realizing this isn’t really any kind of defeat at all. It’s fine. I’ll work out today and keep going. After all, life will be about having a varied diet."

I just feel like I breathe a sigh of relief when I read that story. I hope it resonates with you too. Happy TAM-ing everyone :)

Diet Dress Rehearsal

So I've started noting my weight in the "labels" section at the bottom of each post because I got a scale. Anyway, I wake up this morning and suddently I've lost 1.2 pounds since yesterday. Don't know where that came from. I didn't do any extra cardio yesterday, or eat particularly less. Yesterday it seemed like my weight was creeping back up. Oh well, just goes to show our weight exists in a range it seems rather than a fixed number.

So, today was a rest day for me, but I went to the grocery store and got a few items to practice some of Tracy's recipes in preparation for the diet starting January 1st. I bought a parsnip for the first time in my life. I didn't even know which vegetable was a parsnip and had to look up at the sign to figure it out. Also bought some coconut (dairy-free) kefir, olive oil spray, sprouted tofu (never tried the sprouted kind but it's supposedly more digestible), frozen organic corn, sweet potato, blueberries, kale, and apples. Lots of fresh foods! It was nice. I tend to eat all natural foods but yet very little fresh and unprocessed foods. I'm looking forward to my tastebuds reprogramming to enjoy more simple flavors. I'm looking forward to cooking for myself (rather than getting take-aways) and generally just feeling healthier with these clean foods.

I'll let you know how the recipes turn out.

Day 75: Where "We Should Be" vs. Where "We Are"

This program is teaching me that we can absolutely use our brains to our own detriment, standing in our own way OR to empower and change our lives. I often find myself falling victim to the voices in my head, voices that didn't start in my head but that I picked by my environment. The tricky part is that these voices have come to sound like my own, and I've come to believe these voices as truth. The good news is, I believe we can slowly break free of these voices and patterns by creating new patterns that are actually based in OUR OWN truth, and can actually help us rather than hurt us.

I first began to experience this somewhere around disc two. In disc one, it was about actually learning for the first time how to break through barriers like I'd never done before. Disc one was not only about learning the Method. It was about learning what to tell myself when I didn't want to exercise. It was about learning how to establish a consistent habit. It was about learning how to think long term rather than short term. In disc one my brain was learning how to process information differently. Instead of "I don't want to workout because I'm depressed" and the outcome being that I didnt' work out and instead went and sat on the couch binging and watching TV, I learned to tell myself and really believe that exercise would help with depression whereas sitting on the couch would not. Faced with such a powerful truth, I would exercise.

By disc two, My brain was learning how to call on my new habits. I no longer had to figure out what to say to myself or how to rationalize with a powerful truth. I was now learning to let my new truth guide me with greater strength than my old habit (binging on the couch). The part that amazed me was that I didn't have to think about it as much. My new healthier thought patterns started to take on a life of their own. They developed strength because I knew they was true, and I encouraged them and reiterated them.

I'm now on disc three. As I'm exactly half way through disc three, I can't yet put into words what its big lesson has been. But today, I faced something interesting. Since I have found level 8 to be quite challenging, I wanted to give myself a morale boost by playing around in level 1 so I could see how far I've come. But then I did half of level 1 and to my dismay still found it to be a challenge! (It's important for me to note though that my cardio has increased tremendously). This sent my mind into a spiral and I started to question everything. I seriously considered being done with the method.

However, I came to realize that my disappointment came from me battling between the reality of what is (level 1 being a challenge), and the fantasy of how I thought things should be (I should be able to do level 1 without breaking a sweat). And the thing is, we reside in reality. When I made peace with where I was in the current moment, I felt completely better. I realized that I still had my whole future ahead of me, and while my present moment cannot affect my past, my present moment can affect my future. I had my power back. And the most important thing about that for me was that instead of being stuck in a past-oriented fantasy which would hold me in the past, prevent me from moving forward because I was ready to give up on the method...instead I was free to move forward. Instead of choosing to cage myself in the past, I freed myself so that my future would bring better things. And it will! I guarantee you, even if this process has been slower than I anticipated, it is still going to happen by being consistent. Mark my words, that day will come :)

I really feel like with every workout I check off my calendar, I have accomplished something. And every level I complete, I feel like I've CONQUERED it. It helps me feel like I'm constantly growing and moving forward. The simple act of doing the workouts builds my self-confidence. I see that I'm stronger than I thought simply because I completed something I couldn't see myself being able to do. After so many years of making broken promises to myself, and then punishing myself by caging myself in the past...this method has provided me with a way to learn to trust my word again. And that happens every single level, every single disc, and every single day.

Because it is so important for me to keep feeling like I'm moving forward to help undo years of going back on my word, I shall go ahead and moving right into Continuity (with Meta Dynamic Eating Plan) come January 1st, 2012! Cheers to freeing ourselves!

Day 74: Turned My Frown Upside Down

:( <-- That's how my face looks right now. I AM NOT A FAN OF PLANKS.

Was feeling period pains this morning so I thought I'd wait a little for the pain to subside rather than working out first thing in the morning. That was actually a good idea. I was amazed that once the pain went away I felt compelled to exercise like, "okay it's go time and I don't want to miss out"...then I did the workout, and now I'm cranky. I don't like planks. I would like planks if I were strong enough to do them. When I have some muscle, I like challenging myself. But on moves like that side leg lift in level one that just felt impossible, or pretty much any plank move, it feels like it's above my abilities and I don't like doing it. Most days it doesn't bother me, and I'm proud for just doing my personal best. I actually haven't felt cranky in regards to the mat work in quite a long while, but today's plank moves just made me mad. It was one of those days where I thought I should have taken more time with the lower levels to really prepare me. The truth is, I do fine on all the others moves, it's just the planks that feel ridiculously hard. I still have at least 40 pounds to lose, and I have a DDD chest...so I guess it's understandable that planks are so difficult....you know when I wrote that just now, I felt a lot better. My face now looks like this :)

It really is understandable that planks are so tough when you're carrying around (non-implant) DDD's. I changed my mind. I'm not cranky any more. I'm really proud of myself for trying. I realized it's just a matter of time before things get easier, and it's understandable that planks are so challenging. I can almost guarantee that once I'm not so heavy planks will be a heck of a lot easier. Imagine holding your body up if you had 40 less pounds on you??? Heck yeah that's more doable.

Alright...another day under my belt. Another day closer to the level 9 grand finale.

Really looking forward to starting the diet in January! I read a post on the forum today that two different people mentioned they had great success with Tracy's diet (both tried the Paleo diet and found Tracy's more effective). I'm probably going practice some recipes this month in preparation for January. I am fortunate to have all the tools I need already, juicer, mini-prep food proccessor, good knife, cutting board. So excited!

Day 73: Bought a Scale

My computer shut down and I lost my day 73 post, so...take 2!

Did my toning today and sooooo didn't want to do it all on the left side. Did it anyway :) It is after all only ten minutes to do the left leg which is challenging, but doable. Also, these last couple days I've done my cardio as freestyling on the trampoline combined with parts of Tracy's rebounder workout on youtube.

Also, I purchased a cute bamboo scale that cost less that $20 bucks. At this time, my mind is in a healthy place where my self-worth is not tied to the number on the scale. Additionally, regardless of what the number says it won't deter me from my exercise. I got the scale more than anything to document my progress with a tangible number. I really believe that once I begin combining Tracy's Bootcamp Diet and Dynamic Eating Plan w/the exercise (starting January 1)the weight will really shift and I want to be able measure the progress.

I will list my daily weight (no clothes on, first thing in the morning, after using the restroom) in the "label" section at the end of each post.

Day 72: Soreness & Fullness

Apparently level 8 really kicks your booty into shape because I haven't been sore like this since level 1! I think it was the first time I've had soreness in my inner thighs. My behind, my hips, my abs, my back all sore. Makes me happy :)The workout felt so much more natural than yesterday too. I think I like it. I also did abs again twice just for good measure. It's only 5 extra minutes and I figured if I'm in the mood to do that, I'll take advantage of that feeling while it lasts.

Last night, I was eating dinner and found I wanted to go back for seconds. I waited for a little while, and the feeling persisted so I went back for a second serving. Amazingly, about 3-4 bites into my second serving I realized I was full!! It wasn't that feeling I have where I realize I'm full and I'm disapointd my tasty meal is ending. It wasn't that feeling of knowing I'm full but since the last few bites are there I might as well eat them. It felt like, wow I'm full and I really don't want to have any more food. Ah! It was the type of natural fullness that comes to you when you're a child before you are socialized by external cues that for whatever reason distract you from your body's natural cues that let you know you've had enough and you're satisfied. There was no internal struggle to stop eating. No feelings of disappointment or deprivation. It was simple and balanced and wonderful. I hope that feeling become more and more frequent.

Day 71 (L8): First Day of Level 8

Today was day one of level 8. Some unique features to this level are that standing arms are not exactly standing. Instead you are actually down on your knees. Of course there are new ab and new leg moves. My inital impression of this level was eh....level 8, not so great! The leg positions felt really awkward and I couldn't follow the abs secition as it seemed too fast. Well, I was very disappointed thinking this was gonna be dreaded level 3 all over again. Levels 4-7 I enjoyed from day 1. So....after I did the level, I took a little break and went back to just understand what went wrong. One thing I did was practice the legs motions again. I got in front of a mirror and slowly looked at the positions Tracy was doing and compared it to my movement, and I came to find the movements weren't bad after all once I got the hang of it.

Abs on the other hand were really off. On one move she did 5 reps on one side and 7 on the other! That might be okay for legs, but when you lift your head with each crunch only to find her already onto the other side then try to catch up and suddenly find her onto a new move, well that's just ineffective. If she did 4 and 4, or 8 and 8 counts like she normally does, it would have been fine. So, I counted out all the reps of each exercise and wrote it on a paper, and taped it to my laptop (which I do my toning on) and voila problem solved. I was able to follow along abs much better knowing the counts in advance and ended up doing abs twice as a results today.

This level was actually quite good in that my legs felt quite shakey afterwards, and because I did abs twice I felt leaner in my abs section all day.

Another random thing about my food today. I notice I often tend to wake up starving and ravenously hungry. Because there wasn't really anything in my cupboards and I didn't feel like cooking this morning I ended up having two protein shakes (Vega Whole Food Health Optimizer in Chocolate & Vega Protein Shake in Vanilla). These surprisingly tied me over til past 2 o'clock, and I just kind of felt better all day. Not bloated in the belly, or weighed down in my stomach (these conditions happen quite a bit for me).

I finished my day with cardio. I had been easing myself back into cardio these last few days (after my 2 week cardio hiatus) and today was the first day I did jumping again. I was so surprised to find how natural it felt and how good it felt. I just can't get over how exhausted and awful cardio felt on day one. So often a question on the forum comes up about new gals thinking the cardio is too hard and wondering if anyone else experienced that. It's almost a joke because the cardio being crazy hard the first day seems pretty universal amongst most TAM newbies including myself. I think it would really behoove Tracy to let people know that at the beginning so people wouldn't' feel so discouraged. I know I felt incredibly deafeated the very first time I tried the cardio. And yet, turns out there was no need to. Wherever we are starting from in our fitness journeys really is just fine, because we will build from there and get better as time goes on.

I've been trying to familiarize myself with Tracy's bootcamp diet and Meta diet so that come January when I begin dieting I'll feel prepared. I looked up basic egg stats online to see if (non-gmo) tofu would be a comparable vegan substitution. While probably not the same in terms of vitamins and minerals, I was more interested in the macronutrients. I was very pleased to find in that at least in terms on calories, fat, and protein it's right on par:

1 egg 1/4 block firm tofu

63 calories 57 calories

4 gram fat 3 gram fat

6 gram pro 7 gram protein

Well that is all for now. Continued success to our growing TAMily! Please remember that all you have to do is your personal best and nothing more. Your personal best is good enough.

Day 70: New Year, New Plan, New Me

Level 7 is all done. I didn't even realize this was my last day until I thought to myself...."I'm getting tired of this level," and then it occured to me, this is my final day!! I previewed level 8. It looks interesting. I have come to realize that somewhere along the line, I stopped being intimidated by new levels. I used to preview levels and think they looked too hard...now I simply look forward to new moves that I'll get to learn.

I am increasingly more excited about my idea to start Bootcamp in Jan w/diet, followed by Continuity w/meta diet. I know at least one person on the forum who has had tremendous success doing both, and I just feel ready for it. I am modifying it slightly in that I'll continue drinking a protein shake as I am now, but at only 120 calories, all natural ingrediets, no added sugar, I feel like it'll be a good addition to the routine. I'll also be veganizing the menu to customize it to my needs (tofu for eggs e.g), but other than that I will commit to the diet 100% for the 4-5 months. Like I mentioned yesterday, I'm at the point where it actually feels doable.

Initially I know if I had attempted to do diet and exercise simultaneously, I would have thrown in the towel on both. It would have been too much for me personally. What changed my mind was 2 things. #1, in showing myself what I'm able to accomplish by doing the Meta exercise, I have slowly chiseled away at some mental barriers and see that I'm capable of focus, consistency, and accomplishing things I set my mind to. #2, I've seen someone like Michelle on the forum, and Shan who have shown what is possible when diet is coupled with exercise. I couldn't even picture it before, but seeing others do it helped open up a space in my brain to the possibility of it! For that ladies, I thank you :)

I am excited to be able to compare my results with Meta excluding diet AND be able to compare that and see what is possible when diet and exercise are coupled together. I'm not someone who has ever had substantial success with diet. I'm not someone who lost all the weight and gained it back. I've always been overweight (since jr high). This will be a first in my life, but I can truly see at the end of those 5 months that I will lose all the excess weight. I couldn't even fathom it before and now I can. I can't wait!

L7/Day 68-69: Back to my Normal Routine

So after my two week exercise hiatus, I feel comfortable to say I'm officially back to my normal routine. I initially did only mat work to help ease myself back into working out. These last 2 days I added cardio back as well, in the form of 20 minutes bootcamp (no jumping) + 10 minutes freestyle on the rebounder=30 minutes of cardio.

I was nervous yesterday as I had not done cardio in 3 weeks. I can attest that cardio really helps keep the weight in check. My belly grew when I wasn't doing cardio. But, the exciting part was that it actually FELT GOOD to do the dance aerobics. It felt good to have the blood plumping, and to feel the fluidity of the movements. Even the heavier breathing felt good. All of this came as a surprise to me as I'm mentally still used to the idea of not liking/dreading exercise because when you're out of shape exercise typically doesn't feel good. I guess it takes more than 2-3 weeks for all my hard work to be undone. I'm so happy to be checking off those workouts on my calendar, AND I'm excited to already be moving onto level 8 soon!

I did want to mention also that when I wasn't doing my MS work, my knees started to have pain! I noticed the last couple years that when I walk down stairs my knees actually hurt. That disappeared with TAM, and reappeared after just a couple weeks of not doing it. But already, my knee pain has gone away again, and that is amazing.

Also, I'm tinkering with the idea of starting bootcamp on January 1st, including the diet....and then moving onto Continuity 1.1 with the Meta diet. I haven't done any dieting so far, and regardless of having slower results I'm very happy with that decision. I feel like when I'm done with metamorphosis I will have accomplished something so big in my life, that doing the diet (for just 4-ish months) feels really doable. At this time, it feels doable. I reserve the right the change my mind, and adjust based on how things come along, but if there was ever a time for me to do the diet, New Year's is it.

Good luck everyone. I hope you are all continuing to enjoy your TAM journeys as I am with both its ups and downs. Both are part of the package, you just gotta keep riding the wave.