Day 75: Where "We Should Be" vs. Where "We Are"

This program is teaching me that we can absolutely use our brains to our own detriment, standing in our own way OR to empower and change our lives. I often find myself falling victim to the voices in my head, voices that didn't start in my head but that I picked by my environment. The tricky part is that these voices have come to sound like my own, and I've come to believe these voices as truth. The good news is, I believe we can slowly break free of these voices and patterns by creating new patterns that are actually based in OUR OWN truth, and can actually help us rather than hurt us.

I first began to experience this somewhere around disc two. In disc one, it was about actually learning for the first time how to break through barriers like I'd never done before. Disc one was not only about learning the Method. It was about learning what to tell myself when I didn't want to exercise. It was about learning how to establish a consistent habit. It was about learning how to think long term rather than short term. In disc one my brain was learning how to process information differently. Instead of "I don't want to workout because I'm depressed" and the outcome being that I didnt' work out and instead went and sat on the couch binging and watching TV, I learned to tell myself and really believe that exercise would help with depression whereas sitting on the couch would not. Faced with such a powerful truth, I would exercise.

By disc two, My brain was learning how to call on my new habits. I no longer had to figure out what to say to myself or how to rationalize with a powerful truth. I was now learning to let my new truth guide me with greater strength than my old habit (binging on the couch). The part that amazed me was that I didn't have to think about it as much. My new healthier thought patterns started to take on a life of their own. They developed strength because I knew they was true, and I encouraged them and reiterated them.

I'm now on disc three. As I'm exactly half way through disc three, I can't yet put into words what its big lesson has been. But today, I faced something interesting. Since I have found level 8 to be quite challenging, I wanted to give myself a morale boost by playing around in level 1 so I could see how far I've come. But then I did half of level 1 and to my dismay still found it to be a challenge! (It's important for me to note though that my cardio has increased tremendously). This sent my mind into a spiral and I started to question everything. I seriously considered being done with the method.

However, I came to realize that my disappointment came from me battling between the reality of what is (level 1 being a challenge), and the fantasy of how I thought things should be (I should be able to do level 1 without breaking a sweat). And the thing is, we reside in reality. When I made peace with where I was in the current moment, I felt completely better. I realized that I still had my whole future ahead of me, and while my present moment cannot affect my past, my present moment can affect my future. I had my power back. And the most important thing about that for me was that instead of being stuck in a past-oriented fantasy which would hold me in the past, prevent me from moving forward because I was ready to give up on the method...instead I was free to move forward. Instead of choosing to cage myself in the past, I freed myself so that my future would bring better things. And it will! I guarantee you, even if this process has been slower than I anticipated, it is still going to happen by being consistent. Mark my words, that day will come :)

I really feel like with every workout I check off my calendar, I have accomplished something. And every level I complete, I feel like I've CONQUERED it. It helps me feel like I'm constantly growing and moving forward. The simple act of doing the workouts builds my self-confidence. I see that I'm stronger than I thought simply because I completed something I couldn't see myself being able to do. After so many years of making broken promises to myself, and then punishing myself by caging myself in the past...this method has provided me with a way to learn to trust my word again. And that happens every single level, every single disc, and every single day.

Because it is so important for me to keep feeling like I'm moving forward to help undo years of going back on my word, I shall go ahead and moving right into Continuity (with Meta Dynamic Eating Plan) come January 1st, 2012! Cheers to freeing ourselves!