Rumspringa...My Tracy Anderson Transformation: Day 42-43: Breaking Up With the Scale

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Day 42-43: Breaking Up With the Scale

So...yesterday I had weighed myself and was a bit disapointed that I hadn't lost any weight and had instead gained around a pound. One measly pound in the opposite direction I'm trying to head in. I wasn't devasted, or thrown off my game. I didn't cry or get angry (these are all things I've experienced in the past by the way) . Instead, I had a conversation with myself about how I felt, and I moved on and forward, because the truth is that is all that is in our control at that point.

In contrast to weighing myself and subsequently being disappointed, I later did my workout and I felt great! I pushed myself, and felt the burn, I exclaimed oooofs and owwwws...and the honest truth is that at the end of the day, it didn't matter to me that I had gained a pound! What really mattered was that I did my workout, and I felt strength in new areas, and greater ease in my cardio. I rebounded and felt joy and giddyness (that's what a rebounder and some fun music will do to ya). I even free styled some new moves bouncing on that thing.

The point for me is that life very much continued on in a positive direction after my "setback". Any negative emotions I felt in regards to that extra pound (however much I tried to minimize and rationalize them) took away from my energy. It didn't inspire me to want to work harder and push harder, because I'm already truly doing my best. So it wasn't even about turning a positive into a negative. It was about seeing that FOR ME weighing myself is unhealthy plain and simple. If I lose weight, I'm worried I'll gain it back. If I gain weight, I'm disappointed. This is a lose-lose situation and I don't want to play that game any more. I have no doubt there is a way to have a healthy relationship with a scale, but that's not something I care to put my energy into at this time.

The first time I weighed myself after starting the Tracy Anderson program, it was because I was in the bathroom of a friend's house and they had a scale (I threw my scale out many years ago). The fact that it was right in front of me, was coupled with the fact that I had been doing the program for a few weeks, and I felt like I had not lost anything at all. More than anything, my clothes were feeling as tight as ever. Thankfully at that point, I had indeed lost weight I even though hadn't expected to. That gave me the little extra assurance I needed at that time to know, okay this program IS working.

At this point, I don't need that assurance any more. I've come far enough along to know when I can feel an increase in my endurance, an increase in my energy and and increase in my strength. I've come far enough along to know that I while I won't love every level, I overall enjoy this workout program. I enjoy the way this program makes me move. I'm far enough along to know that I like being the type of person that works out and is in shape. I now know that this program offers me mental benefits too...learning how to commit to something that is challenging but I know is good for me, learning how to be consistent with something, learning how to be more flexible, to be more responsible, to explore my feelings and emotions at an even greater depth, to question where my beliefs come from and if they are helpful or hurtful to me, how to keep trying when things are challenging, that my personal best is good enough...This program has a lot to offer me beyond weight loss. Don't get me wrong, I still plan to keep losing weight with this program, and that is still the number one factor motivating me to keep going. But the desire to lose weight isn't the only thing fueling me.

Weight will take care of itself in its own time. I cannot will a pound to come off at my disposal. I can however choose to exercise, and slowly make healthier food options. These things are in my control. Doing these things empowers me. Worrying about the scale takes away my power, and that is not a good feeling.

The scale is still on my side. It wants to share good news, and celebrate my triumphs. However, the scale only speaks one language, and that is in pounds. But pounds don't tell the whole story. So...my conclusion? I am going to still try to weigh myself after I complete each level. HOWEVER, my bf will look at the weight and record it for me. I don't want to see any of these statistics until my journey is complete. At that point, the scale will serve a great purpose. Once I'm through the woods, then I'll be able to look back and see how far I've come. I will of course want to share my story with others, and pounds are a common language that will be a great tool to explain to others how far I've come to them, and show people how amazing this program is.

At the end of the day, I know my brain will feel more balanced without the scale being a constant in my life, and I am so thankful to have come to that conclusion this early in the game. In this moment, I feel free.

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What has Made This Time Different?

I have attempted to try to stick to an exercise routine so many times in my life, and yet I've rarely made it past a week or two at the most. This time has been a whole new experience, and this is a list of the reasons why (subject to change). Perhaps one or all of these will resonate with you too:

1) I have a simple, mental, visual analogy to help me focus on the bigger picture: In the past I've dieted and exercised and wondered why am I not losing weight? The key was that I wasn't consistent. The truth was that my efforts were sporadic rather than stacking one on top of the other. So it felt like I had exerted so much energy (which I had), but because it was not one foot in front of the other, my efforts did not stack up to any actual results. This made the most sense to me once I understood the the visual analogy of climbing a wall. My goal (lose weight/get fit) was to get over this wall. My attempts to get over the wall included climbing up (working out, dieting). However, I was constantly climbing back down the wall without realizing it (getting off the dieting, not exercising). Over time, I was exhausted from climbing up and didn't understand why I had not yet made it over, after all I had put in a lot of effort. It was then that I realized that every time I stop exercising, I am not picking up from where I left off the next time I start up again. Instead, I have to start from the very bottom of the wall. The steps up the wall do not help you climb over unless the are consistenly moving in a forward direction upward. While this may seem simple, and easy to understand intellectually, it was something I had to understand in the form of an epiphany. It was the first step to me being able to be consistent with my Tracy Anderson Method.

2) Make the goal about following through with the actions, rather than just focusing on the end results: Now that I understood that consistency was such an important factor in being successful with my goal, I had to figure out how to actually be consistent when I had never before been able to. It was so hard for me to imagine getting past level 1, because in my previous attempts I had learned how to do a few days of level 1, feel defeated, take a break, and then start over on level 1 again once I felt like I just couldn't take being overweight any more. My brain only understood how to stop and start over, so it just couldn't imagine what it felt like to move forward to L2-L9 and beyond. So, I made a commitment to myself that I did not even have to do the levels if I did not want to, but that I would play the videos every day as though I were doing them, just for the sake of my brain understanding what that would feel like. Amazingly enough, this triggered something in my brain so that it could at least entertain the possibility of experiencing the program beyond level 1.

3) Don't tell anyone I am learning to establish an exercise routine, until I'm on a roll. I understand using someone as an accountability buddy, and I do think that is helpful. But for me, I found that when I told people I was starting to exercise I diverted energy away from my goal (establish a regular exercise routine). So when I used to tell people, "oh I'm starting something new" people kindly wanted to know how it's going, how much I've lost, all these reasonable questions. For me, that added an extra pressure that I just didn't need. I didn't want to be accountable to anyone but myself, and I because I am someone who worries too much about what other people think, it just served me better to start the journey on my own and learn from my own experiences, learn to trust myself and my own instinct, and feel free to experiment without fearing judgements from others.

4) Don't make any changes to diet initially, but instead first focus on making exercise a regular part of my routine. Learning to exercise regularly and consistently & eating nutritiously are both lofty goals in and of themselves. To do both simultaneously has never ever worked for me. For my brain, my emotions, my inability to adapt to change, it was far too large an undertaking to attempt diet exercise simultaneously. For me, exercise is the easier place to start because it feels more in my control. There are only two choices (to exercise or not), and it is completely up to me, and not influenced by much else. On the other hand, food requires more preparation what with shopping, and storing and cooking, and taking food with me places. Exercise is just once a day whereas eating is something to work on multiple times throughout the day. Another thing is that if I attempted exercise and diet at the same time, if I did poorly in one area that day, it wiped out any good work I did in the other area (in my mind), and made me want to give up on BOTH. Exercise is the place to start for me.

5) Accept that my objectives are long-term and therefore no matter how hard I work, I will not be skinny in a month or two. But a year from now and for the rest of my life I will be.

6) Keep a blog or journal. For me, blogging has enabled me to see that some days are challenging, but there are also other days are easier. It is easy to forget the good days when I'm just focusing on the negative one at hand. Blogging allows me to go back and remember the positive things I've gained and learned along my journey.

7) Exercise with a buddy in the beginning to help make exercise a daily habit. While I didn't tell anyone about working out until about 2 weeks after I'd started, after that when I told my friend she was excited and wanted to try it out too. We exercised together for about two weeks, and that helped me establish a routine of exercising first thing in the morning consistenly.

8) Immerse myself in the success of others. I read others' blogs and success stories and facebook and the TA forum. www.masteringthemethod.com was such a great tool because it was the first visual I had to understand that this was going to be a journey and a process. It is so easy to see the "before" and "afters" and think that 1 week or a month of commiting will take me from before to after. Being able to see the "during" as well made such a difference to my brain because it was like the missing piece of the puzzle to understand this is not in any shape or form an overnight, overweek, or overmonth process. It showed me the bridge from "before" through "during" to "after".

9) Watch and re-watch and watch again Tracy's informercial and multiple visits to QVC. Especially the first month I watched them almost every day. Seeing the informercial is the pique of excitement in the beginning of a new exercise routine. Watching the infomercials help me remember the feelings I had in the beginnning and reminds me why I began this journey in the first place.

10) Trust Tracy, yourself, and those who have come before you, and have faith that while you can't imagine it today, each step you take will lead you to your after as it has for so many others.

11) Let go of being a perfectionist. Being a perfectionist prevented me from succeeding 100% of the other times I've attempted to exercise. It was vital to learn to only do whatever my personal abilites are and nothing more. Understanding and believing that I would build from wherever I was starting, as there is no need to exhaust myself physically and mentally by exercising beyond my capabilites was again instrumental. The very first time I tried metamorphosis, I was beyond defeated and in tears as there was no way I was gonna be able to do 40 reps of all the leg exercises as she did. I initially would pause the TV after every exercise attempting to complete 40 reps like Tracy was going. Helllllloooo, Tracy is in shape and she invented the method for goodness sake. I never exercised and was carrying around at least 50 pounds that didn't need to be there. Because I couldn't be "perfect" I thought I couldn't do the method. This was completely false. Finally, I figured out that I just had to do whatever reps I was able to do while she was doing the same exercise. Then when she moved on, I moved on to the next move. Suddenly my abilites were increasing, just by doing my personal best. It was the same thing with the cardio. It was important to me to play the whole tape, but that didn't mean I had to be jumping the whole time. Instead, I would step touch or march in place, drink some water. The point is that I got to experience what 30 minutes of cardio would feel like, and eventually be able to build up to it. I can now do an hour of cardio :)

...to be continued

Rumspringa...My Tracy Anderson Transformation

90 Day Metamorphosis with Tracy Anderson

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Day 42-43: Breaking Up With the Scale

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