I'm feeling a little bummed because my pants are still tight on me around my waist. I just would have thought that 8 weeks into this process not that I would drop a size but that my pants wouldn't be so tight around my stomache, that they would simply fit. Normally, I weigh myself every 2 weeks, but since I'm 2 days behind on my workouts, I wanted to finish them before I actually weigh myself. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if I didn't lose any weight or if I gained weight for that matter.
I feel like my cardio is exerting less calories since I'm not able to jump around (due to shin splints and knee pain). I guess when I think about it, I am still exerting a lot of energy in doing my mat work though. The other things that made me feel like I'm going backwards is that a few weeks back my posture was really improved and it was actually more comfortable to stand up straight than it was to slouch. Well, that's totally reversed again, so I wonder what happened there?
Also, for a person in their 20's year old, my body is very stiff. If I've been sitting for a while, I get up like a stereotypical elderly person would get up...slowly and stiffly. The first few steps I take in the morning make me feel like Frankenstein because my back, my neck, my knees, the arches of my feet are all stiff. When I went on a green smoothie fast for one week, I was amazed that I would wake up limber in the morning. That I could sit for long periods of time, and when I got up I neither had any pain nor was I stiff. I was fluid and limber and mobile in my body. It had been so long since that was the case, I couldn't even remember a time when I wasn't stiff. I didn't even realize I was stiff until I felt what it was like to not be.
I guess I'm saying all this because I want to take steps to improve my diet. But it's really hard to be patient trying to get my diet into balance. I know that overhauling my diet does not work for me if it is in one fell swoop. I've learned this in my TRANSITION into eating vegan. When it comes to food, changes do not stick if they happen overnight. Truly, I cannot last more than a couple days on a diet. A few years back, Atkins only lasted 3 days! My longest diet was a raw food diet which lasted 21 days.
There is soooo much to gain from me eating healthfully...clear skin, energy, aches and pains gone, more even emotions, weight loss...but yet there are also things for me to lose...I haven't learned how to deal with stress without eating so I'd just be an anxious ball and I don't know how long I could take that before I just binged. I suppose that's the biggest obstacle. There is also the social one because I enjoy going out to eat, and cooking for and with others and I don't want to miss out on these things. But the truth is I believe I miss out on more things in life because I don't eat healthfully rather than if I did. I would truly love to find a balance between eating luscious and healthy whole foods, and then occassionally foods that were still luscious but less healthy. I mean, I don't social eat every day...so why can't I eat cleanly most of the time, and be okay with eating less healthy in the social situations that called for it? Instead, I find myself feeling like I can only have it one way or the other...sounds like the perfectionist in my rearing its crazy head again.
Keeping a food diary has been amazing because it really helps me see that I don't eat as healthfully as I think I do. I eat mostly all natural foods. But I eat large portions, and though the foods are natural they are still processed rather than whole foods. On the one hand, I feel like this is just a logistics issue of me not cooking food from scratch as much as I could, not planning a grocery list, and not having recipes on hand. But, on the flip of that, I feel like even if I did do all those things, I'd still be overeating to deal with my emotions.
I've been a binge eater for many years now. I remember in jr. high school, that I didn't like asking my parents for money, so I'd eat breakfast but then wouldnt' eat all day at school. Then once I get home, I would crash in front of the TV and eat and eat. I would have a certain window of time to relax before my parents got home. While my parents are nice people, they are a source of stress that I haven't learned how to handle. Even to this day, the biggest relief for me comes in the form of having a window of time all to myself in the house with food and television.
I need to think. I'm gonna contemplate some more on this food stuff...try to use the lessons I've learned from the method, and see if those can be applied to food. A nice TAM fan suggested I check out a book called Skinny Thinking, which I looked up on amazon and it seemed worthwhile. There was also an accompanying workbook. While I've read a couple books on emotional eating, I've never done a workbook, and to me that seems like the way to go if I actually want to apply the principles I read about to my own life and my own situation.
Oh! One other thing that I thought was interesting (though not food related). I was watching TV last night after work, and normally I love watching infomercials (usually the fitness ones). Anyway, I was gonna watch one to see what it was about when I suddenly realized....oh wait, I have a fitness solution. I can stop looking now...that was a cool feeling. It just reminded me too of what Tracy has said about women hopping from one trend to the next not really finding a solution. I know I've found THE solution for me as far as fitness goes. Now to that pesky diet of mine...I'll have to get back to you on that one.
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